OVO

Trevor Blake: Self Portrait. March 2011

Between October 2000 and January 2002 I edited a music program hosted on live365.com [Wikipedia] called Antarctica. The site live365.com used to offer free file hosting and free streaming and my how times have changed in that regard. My shows are long gone but via archive.org I have a record of what I broadcast.

ANTARCTICA ant0010 October 2000: mp3.com
01. Antler King – Hammond
02. I Am Robot And Proud – Satellite Song One Stars Come
03. Ewmyren – Chomsky
04. Eucci – euphoric
05. Triptic Of A Pastel Fern – triptych 3
06. [unknown] – Tiny Shattering Rede Mix
07. Electric Rain – the.ouster
08. Prolefeed – Nebenstelle
09. Flu – alien brasil
10. Audionil – Broken01
11. Jet Jaguar – Loose Circuits
12. Lonny Lord – lowerpowered backpack mutant c
13. mdk – vi
14. Sister Friction – Love At A Distance
15. HX16 – Track265.45
16. Obadia – Lounge
17. Trikband – Drool
18. Triptic Of A Pastel Fern – Spark Bibo
19. Triptic Of A Pastel Fern – Dynadialadream

ANTARCTICA ant0011 November 2000: live
01. Severed Heads – Lower than Grave
02. Large Hot Pipe Organ – Pyro Tango
03. Gary Numan – Down In The Park
04. Ultravox – Liquid
05. Blondie – Fade Away and Radiate
06. GADGETTO – Defeat for Germany
07. Throbbing Gristle – Discipline (Reprise)
08. Units – Warm Moving Bodies
09. Units – High Pressure Days
10. Units – Cannibals
11. Screamers – The Scream
12. Screamers – Thru the Flames
13. Screamers – In a Better World
14. Screamers – Sex Boy

ANTARCTICA ant0012 December 2000: love & power
01. John Foxx – He’s a Liquid
02. The Cure – Love Will Tear Us Apart
03. Scorpion Wind – Love Love Love
04. Snake River Conspiracy – Casualty
05. DEVO – Fountain Of Filth
06. Nervous Gender – People Like You
07. Atari Teenage Riot – Death Star
08. John Foxx – Blurred Girl
09. Depeche Mode – Puppets
10. Garbage – The World Is Not Enough
11. Lords of Acid – Rubber Doll
12. Bone Thugs-n-harmony – Thug Luv
13. Women of Sodom – A Valentine for Jesus
14. John Foxx – 20th Century

ANTARCTICA ant0101 January 2001: beautiful
01. Depeche Mode – Any Second Now
02. Severed Heads – We Have Come to Bless This House
03. Severed Heads – Fever Has Robbed Her of Milk
04. Severed Heads – Gashing The Old Mae West
05. Thomas Dolby – Leipzig
06. Ultravox – Vienna
07. Throbbing Gristle – United
08. Yello – No More Roger
09. Severed Heads – Twenty Deady Diseases
10. Depeche Mode – Ice Machine
11. Severed Heads – Nature 10
12. Snake River Conspiracy – Casualty
13. Danielle Dax – Sleep Has No Property
14. Komputer – The World of Tomorrow

ANTARCTICA ant0102 February 2001: human/machine
01. Vangelis – Main Titles
02. Gary Numan – Are ‘Friends’ Electric?
03. OCCUPANT – Robot Girl
04. Gary Numan – Do You Need the Service
05. solenoid – Man Machine Reprise (KRAFTWERK)
06. Gary Numan – Me! I Disconnect From You
07. Atari Teenage Riot – Delete Yourself
08. Gary Numan – We Have A Technical
09. The Normal – TV O.D.
10. Ultravox – Artificial Life
11. Units – Digital Stimulation
12. Gary Numan – Remember I Was Vapor (live)
13. OCCUPANT – Media World
14. EBN – Electronic Behavior Control System

ANTARCTICA ant0103 March 2001: DEVO
01. DEVO – Can U Take It?
02. DEVO – Softcore Mutations
03. DEVO – I Don’t Know What I Do Do
04. DEVO – Death of Lt. Casanova
05. DEVO – In Heaven
06. DEVO – Total Love
07. DEVO – Hubert House
08. DEVO – The One that Gets Away
09. DEVO – Hobnob with the Snobs
10. DEVO – Nutty Buddy
11. DEVO – Those Darn Girls
12. DEVO – All of Us
13. DEVO – Huboon Stomp
14. DEVO – Frauline
15. DEVO – Red Shark
16. DEVO – Rhythmic Itch

ANTARCTICA ant0104 April 2001: loops
01. Philip Glass – Opening
02. Renaldo & The Loaf – Frass
03. Negativland – (untitled)
04. The Residents – Dumbo the Clown
05. Renaldo & The Loaf – Hats Off Gentlemen
06. Residents – Beyond the Valley of a Day of a Day in the Life
07. Severed Heads – The Monkey Is Safe
08. Negativland – Clutch Cargo ’81
09. Severed Heads – Gashing the Old Mae West (EP)
10. Renaldo And The Loaf – A Critical Dance
11. Renaldo & the Loaf – BPM
12. Renaldo & the Loaf – Melvyn’s Repose

ANTARCTICA ant0105 May 2001: mp3.com #2
01. UNWOMAN – Subsistence
02. Battery – Nevermore
03. Green Army Fraction – Faithfully Storm Ulster
04. GADGETTO – She Don’t Know Us
05. Green Army Fraction – Western Failure
06. Chiasm – Liquefy
07. Green Army Fraction – Wolves of Wotan
08. screenlit – Serenity (Nuremberg Stomp Mix)
09. Green Army Fraction – Agrarian Übermensch
10. Battery – Deluge
11. UNWOMAN – A Futurist Dreams This
12. Green Army Fraction – A Man of Steel
13. Battery – Never Left

ANTARCTICA ant0106 June 2001: Ralph
01. Residents – Constantinople
02. Snakefinger – Jesus Was A Leprechaun
03. Renaldo And The Loaf – A Critical Dance
04. Snakefinger – The Man In The Dark Sedan
05. Residents – Hard and Tenderly
06. Snakefinger – The Golden Goat
07. Renaldo And The Loaf – Green Candle
08. Residents – Rest Aria
09. Residents – Fire
10. Snakefinger – Magic And Ecstasy
11. Snakefinger – Picnic In The Jungle
12. Residents – Beyond The Valley Of A Day In The Life
13. Renaldo And The Loaf – Bearded Cats
14. Snakefinger – Kill The Great Raven
15. Renaldo And The Loaf – Lonely Rosa
16. Residents – Sinister Exaggerator
17. Snakefinger – Living In Vain

ANTARCTICA ant0107 July 2001: Video Game Themes
01. unknown – Pac Man Remix
02. Betty Boo – Doing the Do (Magic Pockets)
03. Trent Reznor – Quake Track 6
04. Nation XII – Into the Wonderful (GODS)
05. Trent Reznor – Quake Track 7
06. Bomb the Bass – Megablast (Xenon 2)
07. Nation XII – Speedball 2
08. Trent Reznor – Quake Track 5
09. Jean Michael Jarre – Captain Blood
10. Bullet Proof Sounds – Bubble Bobble Speed Mix
11. Bomb the Bass – Megablast LP
12. Trent Reznor – Quake Track 3
13. Barry Leitch – GODS Remix
14. Astroboy – Bubble Bobble Jungle Mix

ANTARCTICA ant0108 August 2001: Covers One
01. Soft Cell – Tainted Love [Standells]
02. solenoid – Bike [Pink Floyd]
03. 300000 VK – Kometenmelodie [Kraftwerk]
04. solenoid – Blurred Girl Inst. [John Foxx]
05. Terri Thaemlitz – Mensch Machine [Kraftwerk]
06. solenoid – Man Machine [Kraftwerk]
07. solenoid – Metal Inst. [Gary Numan]
08. GADGETTO – Warm Leatherette [The Normal]
09. Strelnikoff – Man Machine [Kraftwerk]
10. Veruca Salt – Somebody [Depeche Mode]
11. Karl Bartos – Computer Love [Kraftwerk]
12. Glen Gregory – Wichita Lineman[GlennCampbell]
13. Martin Gore – Yesterday [The Beatles]
14. John Oswald – Sir Jim Moron – o’hell [Doors]

ANTARCTICA ant0109 September 2001: GADGETTO
01. GADGETTO – Ether Ore
02. GADGETTO – YDH
03. GADGETTO – Interuption
04. GADGETTO – Murder City Devils Lemuria Rising
05. GADGETTO – Solfeggio
06. GADGETTO – Subject #2
07. GADGETTO – A True Story
08. GADGETTO – I’m the One Who Did It
09. GADGETTO – 10,000 Lemonades
10. GADGETTO – Hello – A First Attempt
11. GADGETTO – Pray for These People
12. GADGETTO – Hanger
13. GADGETTO – Nothing At All
14. GADGETTO – Defeat for Germany
15. GADGETTO – She Don’t Know Us
16. GADGETTO – Krq
17. GADGETTO – The Talking Book
18. GADGETTO – Stand Back

ANTARCTICA ant0110 October 2001: 1970s 7″s
01. Ultravox – Crossfade
02. Cabaret Voltaire – Is That Me
03. Thomas Leer – International
04. Thomas Leer – Private Plane
05. Cabaret Voltaire – The Set Up
06. Human League – Being Boiled
07. Cabaret Voltaire – Talkover
08. Cabaret Voltaire – Do the Mussilini Headkick
09. Ultravox – Dislocation
10. Cabaret Voltaire – Nag Nag Nag
11. Human League – Circus of Death
12. Ultravox – Slow Motion
13. Cabaret Voltaire – Here She Comes Now
14. Ultravox – The Quiet Men

ANTARCTICA ant0201 January 2002: Scott and Rockmore
01. Raymond Scott – Hostess Twinkies
02. Clara Rockmore – Rachmaninoff Vocalise
03. Raymond Scott – Domino
04. Clara Rockmore – Song of Grusia
05. Raymond Scott – General Motors Futurama
06. Clara Rockmore – Saint Saens The Swan
07. Raymond Scott – Good Air
08. Clara Rockmore – De Falla Pantomime
09. Raymond Scott – Bandito the Bongo Artist
10. Clara Rockmore – Achron Hebrew Melody
11. Raymond Scott – IBM Paperwork Explosion
12. Clara Rockmore – Wieniawski Romance
13. Raymond Scott – Manhattan Research, Inc.
14. Clara Rockmore – Stravinsky Berceuse
15. Raymond Scott – Nescafe
16. Clara Rockmore – Ravel Piece en Forme de Habane
17. Raymond Scott – Ohio Bell Thermo Fax
18. Clara Rockmore – Tchaikovsky Berceuse
19. Raymond Scott – Ohio Plus
20. Clara Rockmore – Tchaikovsky Valse Sentimentale
21. Raymond Scott – Rhythm Modulator
22. Clara Rockmore – Tchaikovsky Serenade Melancoli
23. Raymond Scott – Twilight in Turkey
24. Clara Rockmore – Glazunov Chant du Menestrel

From the 1906 book The Outbursts of Everett True by A. D. Condo and J. W. Raper. With thanks to Barnacle Press.

Followup to my 20 February 2003 post What Happens When a Public Hysteria Dies Out?

What happens when a public hysteria dies out? It seems that everyone agrees to simply not talk about it any more. Y2K created a huge stink – I confess I thought something would ‘happen’ – and now Y2K is all but forgotten. But what about Kelly Michaels, Gerald Amirault, Bernard Baran and Patrick Figured? All of them are currently in prison as a result of the public hysteria of the 90s, ‘ritual abuse.’ The satanic panic has subsided but they remain in prison, for things that they did not do and in fact no one did. Dozens of other people were ‘lucky’ enough to only serve extended prison sentences and lose their homes, friends, family and jobs – they are now out of prison and free to be ‘registered sex offenders’ in their community for the rest of their lives. With so much genuine misery in the world, it is criminal that some people are punished for crimes never committed and other people are made ‘survivors’ who were never victims.

Kelly Michaels spent five years in prison for crimes neither she nor anyone else committed. She was released in 1994.
Gerald Amirault spent eighteen years in prison for crimes neither he nor anyone else committed. He was released in 2004.
Bernard Baran spent twenty-one years in prison for crimes neither he nor anyone else committed. He was released in 2006.
Patrick Figured has spent nineteen years in prison for crimes neither he nor anyone else committed.  He is serving a life sentence, reduced in 1996 from three consecutive life sentences. He was denied an appeal in 1994. “I have learned one thing in here; they can’t do anymore to me than they have… I have lost everything as it is.”

It’s not easy to find up-to-date information on these men and women. The circus has passed and nobody wants to clean up after the elephants and the horses and the clowns. But here are the names I could find of those in prison for crimes neither they nor anyone else committed, all victims of the satanic panic of the 1980s.  What is a convincing argument that this could never happen to you?  That’s right.

Cheryl Amirault
Jason Baldwin
Jack Barnes
Linda Barnes
Damien Echols
Jesse Friedman
Frank Fuster
Robert Halsey
Danny Keller
Fran Keller
Jeanette Martin
Kristie Mayhugh
Jessie Misskelley, Jr.
Elsie Oscarson
Michael Parker
Bruce Perkins
Elizabeth Ramirez
Cassandra Rivera
Ryan Smith
Anna Vasquez
James Watt

Violet Amirault died in prison.
Earl Barnes died in prison.

Further reading
False Memory Syndrome Foundation
National Center for Reason and Justice
Wikipedia, File 18
Wikipedia, Day Care Sex Abuse Hysteria

From the 1906 book The Outbursts of Everett True by A. D. Condo and J. W. Raper. With thanks to Barnacle Press.

Nine years ago I made a post on the internet. Here’s what it said…

Oblivio writes: “I once rode a bus into the Berkeley Hills, to the state park up there, while tripping, mildly, on mushrooms. It was a resplendent day, a day much this one, and I was the only passenger on board. I had my journal open on my lap and was filling it with statements on the subject on lostness, the sort of things I always think when I’m tripping — “you can only be lost when you wish to be elsewhere,” “to be lost is to lack a story for where you are,” etc. — when I struck on the idea of addressing my future self, the one who would return to these words one day, looking for wisdom. It has now been nine years. This is what I wrote, using giant, child-like letters:

“HELLO, MICHAEL-READING-THIS-IN-THE-FUTURE. WHY DON’T YOU GO OUTSIDE AND LOOK AT THINGS FOR A CHANGE? YOU HAVE AN INTERESTING MIND BUT WHERE DOES IT GET YOU?”

Well?

Melissa is a friend who spoke with OVO about her eating disorder on 12 July 1991.

OVO: When did you first realize there was something wrong about the way you were eating?

Melissa: Last Fall. I was dating somebody and I started doing it a lot. I’ve noticed I tend to do it more when I’m in a relationship. I used to drink a beer every day because it would help me throw up. I came home from work and drank a beer really quick. I was in the bathroom doing my business behind the closed door and the person walked in on me. They suggested to me that l have a problem. I had thought so before but when somebody else confronted me with it I had to confront myself with it. That’s when I realized there was something really wrong with what was doing.

OVO: How long had you been doing it?

Melissa: It’s an on-again off-again thing with me, depending on how you define it. I define my eating disorder not by how long I’ve thrown up or how long ago I starved myself. I think I’ve always had an unhealthy relationship with food. It’s taken on different forms over the years. I can remember when l was young I was deprived of certain foods that my friends could eat because my mother was really into health foods. I would go over to my friends’ house or trade lunches at school, and horde junk food because I was fascinated by it and it was something that was forbidden to me. That’s the first example of it. Over the years it’s been bulimia, it’s been anorexia, there have been points where I’ve been a compulsive exerciser, but the most recurring and the problem I have now is bulimia.

OVO: What is that?

Melissa: It’s called binge-and-purge syndrome. When l start eating I don’t feel like I can stop, then I feel guilty, so to make me feel better about eating all that food I’ll make myself throw up. Or I’ll not eat for a couple days or I’ll exercise for a long time. Some people use laxative but I’ve never done that.

OVO: Was throwing up something you figured out on your own?

Melissa: Yes, it was really easy for me. I’ve always had a nervous stomach. I figured out I could do it and use it as a way of maintaining my weight.

OVO: What is the source of your concern about your eating? Why isn’t it a natural process?

Melissa: I hate to sound like “I have this horrible childhood” but I think that’s where a lot of it came from. We had a rule in our house my sister and l joke about now called the Clean Plate Club (my sister, by the way, is anorexic). We weren’t allowed to leave the kitchen table until we’d finished everything that we had been given to eat. From there I started associating food with reward and punishment instead of just what I needed, like sleeping. It became something else.

OVO: Do you think your mother has some kind of eating disorder?

Melissa: No. I think my mother getting into her health food kick was just something to occupy her because there were things going on in my family that were very stressful for her. It was a means of her being able to cope by being interested in something.

OVO: You go to a group where you talk about this with other women.

Melissa: Yes. Last spring I started group therapy and individual counseling for my eating disorder.

OVO: What are the other womens’ experiences like?

Melissa: Their experiences are very similar to mine. It‘s very interesting because a lot of the ways I react to other things, not just food, are very similar to the other women in the group as well. It’s like obsessive-compulsive behavior across the board, not just with eating. It’s a pattern that develops the way you deal with everything.

OVO: Do you or they see any kind of connection between your eating disorder and media portrayal of women?

Melissa: Yes, and that was what really invoked a lot of emotion in me because I’m very involved in feminism and the portrayal of women in our society. I think it has an enormous amount to do with that. I think that’s why it became such an obsessive thing for me as I got into my teenage years. I’m 21 now. I saw a commercial on TV the other day for a clinic for eating disorders where they called it “the national college womens’ plague.” It’s one of the biggest things that happens to women when they enter college. When l moved to Knoxville is when my eating disorder became the worst. I that has to do with being on my own and food being a focus, something that is a constant, that l could always depend on.

OVO: What is it that you’re the trying to achieve by going to group therapy and counseling?

Melissa: One thing I learned in group therapy is that we’re not there to find a cure. We’re there to give each other support and understand why we do it because that‘s more important. I’d like to think eventually I won’t have to do it. There are times now where I’ll go days or weeks or even months… there was a period not too long ago where I went a couple months without doing it and that felt good, like I had power over myself.

OVO: If it’s something that you’ve done for a long time and that a lot of women have done and do what’s bad about it?

Melissa: It’s dangerous to your health. I have medical problems now because of it. I have a stomach ulcer. You can damage your esophagus. I’ve been lucky enough not to. I’ve never had a cavity in my life and now I have seven because my stomach acid has corroded the enamel off my teeth in the back. It can cause heart problems The two effects it’s had in me have been my teeth, and I get heartburn a lot and I have upper intestinal problems now from stomach acid.

OVO: Why is this occurring in women more than men?

Melissa: I think there’s a stronger image for women to live up to. There is an image that men have to live up to but there’s more emphasis and pressure for women to look a certain way to be accepted our society. It’s contradictory because we offer women a double standard by showing her all these great things she’s supposed to eat and make in her lifestyle and then she’s still supposed to look that way, and it’s impossible.

OVO: Why is it offered if it’s obviously a double standard and impossible?

Melissa: I can’t answer that. I could say just another way for men to have control over women but I think that’s maybe not answering the question, maybe that’s just anger. I think its because women want to have a certain lifestyle that they’ve been given the opportunity to have now and yet they’re still supposed to look a certain way from the old world thinking, pre-feminist thought, and what men find appealing today in our society is thin women.

OVO: Is this a modem problem?

Melissa: The Romans and the Greeks had vomitoriums where they actually would purge on purpose, but I think that was a way of having a decadent lifestyle and there wasn’t any kind image put before them as a reason to do that. If you discount that that it is a modern problem.

OVO: A friend of mine said that anyone who has an eating disorder should have their television taken away.

Melissa: That’s a good point because that’s where the double standard comes from. Commercials. That’s where the image is the strongest, that’s where we see the women that we’re supposed to look like.

OVO: It‘s telling that if you look at an ideal for women (and I think having one is a bad idea in the first place) prior to television that ideal is very different. It‘s changed throughout history but I think there’s a strong connection between modem eating disorders and television. All the years of film before television didn’t inspire eating disorders but film is also a visual medium. The difference is commercials.

Melissa: The food industry has created a demand for the diet industry. It’s a vicious cycle. I notice when I watch MTV sometimes (I watch it when I’m getting ready to go to work to have some background none), that when I want to look a certain way the worst I know people who’ve told me that when they’re dieting that they watch MTV because it gives them inspiration to look like the women who probably have eating disorders themselves.

OVO: What would you want someone reading this who has an eating disorder to know?

Melissa: To know that they should want to get help because it’s not something you should want to do and that you can get help. And it’s dangerous. It doesn’t seem like it’s dangerous and it’s a really easy answer but I’m sure that I’ll be really regretting a lot of what I’m doing ten years from now. I’m sure I’ll have a lot worse problems. I don‘t have a problem discussing it with friends and that‘s where I get a lot of my support but maybe that’s because a lot of my friends have eating disorders. It’s a secret and we go into our rooms to talk about it. Everybody understands that what is said behind that door is not said anywhere else. That’s what defines an eating disorder, it’s something that happens behind closed doors.

OVO: Who defines the ideal image of a woman and the ideal image of a man?

Melissa: I think the media.

OVO: Who controls the media?

Melissa: Are we talking conspiracy theory here? I think a lot of media is self-perpetuating. I don’t know who controls the media, I think that’s a whole other issue, but I think that by media offering something to the public and by the public response to that, it recreates the demand for it, like the economic law of supply and demand. It’s something that perpetuates itself.

OVO: What can we do about it?

Melissa: It should start with the individual. I try not to be influenced by images of women to look a certain way. I don’t buy the magazines. That‘s a way to start. It’s a choice the individual tries to make. By doing this interview I hope I’m reaching out to someone else. I think it’s important for us to let other people know that it‘s wrong. Know that it’s wrong ourselves then try to let everybody else know why it’s wrong and maybe beyond that do something about it together.

OVO: Like what?

Melissa: Like a support network.

OVO: What about after a support network, or in addition to it?

Melissa: That‘s when you’re ready to step into things on a big scale. I’ve written letters to fashion magazines telling them that their magazine portray images that are unhealthy for women and I think maybe a group could do that. I noticed the other day that there’s a thing on MTV where you can submit a video and tell them what you don’t like about anything. People have the option to complain about something that is on MTV that they don’t like. I thought it would be a fun thing for me and some friends to do, to make one and submit it to MTV and see if there’s a response at all.

OVO: MTV has realized that it can present any criticism of itself without changing. A friend of mine did an Art Break for them. Their contract said you have to have the MTV logo in the Art Break, and even if your Art Break is one minute of you ripping the logo up or seeing it on a TV screen and shooting it or in any way criticizing it, you still have to show the MTV logo. That‘s showing how media perpetuates itself. The problem and the solution are coming from the same source and you can’t hold onto either one of them and pull them away from yourself.

Melissa: Like Coke commercials that don’t have anything to do with the product but show the image of the product.

OVO: That’s why it’s important to boycott that kind of media completely, without exception, and simultaneously to create an alternative that people would hopefully find interesting and stimulating and life-affirming. A lot of what we’ve been talking about is good commodities versus bad commodities but eventually we’re going to have to come up with something that isn’t a commodity at all and return to something like “art” and figure out some way to make art that isn’t a commodity. It’s going to be difficult. That effort started many decades ago and it still hasn’t been achieved.

Melissa: Another example of the double standard is that the commercial I saw for the eating disorder clinic came on MTV. It portrays women as this certain ideal, then offers a solution, then help for the solution later. Usually if you notice on TV diet commercials follow food commercials.

OVO: How does education figure into it?

Melissa: That’s what’s really scary. When you learn about health and nutrition in school, usually the little pamphlets and flyers you’re given are from the National Dairy Board, who say it’s good for you to drink milk. My mother was a teacher and she said it’s because its so hard for the schools to get funding from the State that they will accept funding from corporations. I don’t take it too seriously when McDonald’s gives me a nutrition guide.

OVO: What do you think is going to happen in the future regarding eating disorders?

Melissa: I hate to say it but I think it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets any getter. Maybe it will get so bad and so rampant that it will explode and will be like everything else in this world that’s wrong. It’ll just keep happening until something really horrible happens.

OVO: Or something really wonderful.

Melissa: And then we’ll stop and go gee, sorry. When Gloria Steinem came to the University of Tennessee she said more women have died as a result of bulemia than it’s ever been reported of people dying of AIDS. AIDS gets more recognition and I agree its a problem that needs recognition but… Even with me, I know how wrong it is for me to have an eating disorder and I still do it. Even as wrong as I know it is and even as much as I don’t want to be a victim of it, of the media and everything else, I can’t help it. When l go out and l see other people who look good or go shopping and l want to a certain kind of clothes but they won’t look good on me unless l look a certain way… It’s hard for me when people I care about have also have been fed this image that people should look like that as well, like my family. I recently took a family vacation and my aunt is really thin, and her whole family is thin, and it made me feel like I should be thin.

OVO: Have you talked with your mother about this?

Melissa: Yes. My mother was a lot more informed on the subject than l thought she would be. I was thankful for that. She was very supportive. It was a surprise for me to get that support. She agreed that a lot of what she went through on the health food kick maybe contributed.

OVO: How much TV do you watch?

Melissa: When I watch television and pay attention l am very critical. I sit there and watch it and get angry and critique everything. I’m glad I’m to this point now where if it’s on and it’s really bothering me and it’s disgusting I’ll turn it off immediately and I won’t just change the channel. I don’t like to watch a whole lot of television because I think it’s bad in ways besides just image. Sometimes I watch it before I go to work, sometimes I have it on to have in the background when I’m in the shower if nobody’s home. I like to have noise.

OVO: Do you watch TV while you eat?

Melissa: Yes, and it’s scary to notice how many other people do that.

OVO: Television destroys community and that’s another reason to boycott it if you’re trying to to establish a community of support for anything, for any sort of political project or personal improvement art or thought. You can’t just have the TV on all the time.

Melissa: That’s one reason I’m really glad I got a job. Some days I’d wake up and there was only so much in a day that I could do before I’d done it all and I’d find myself watching television. Especially since we have cable. We’re moving soon and I don’t want to get cable when we do. We have a VCR and that’s different. Selective viewing is different. There are a lot films that are worth seeing and are good movies I enjoy watching. That’s what is nice about cable, watching HBO. The other day one of my favorite movies came on and that was nice to watch.

OVO: What movie was that?

Melissa: Pretty in Pink. My housemate bought a TV Guide so that I wouldn’t have to turn on the TV when I was bored and I wanted to see if anything was good on because than if nothing was good on I’d find myself watching anyway. Now I look for things I might want to watch and watch those things only.

OVO: What is it that makes you bored?

Melissa: When l didn’t have a job and everyone else in the house would be at work, I felt that for that period of the day should be… I would clean the house every day, I’d get up and clean, and I was getting tired of cleaning. You can only clean so much until everything is spotless. Then I would wait for everyone else to come home. I was turning into a housewife! I’d make dinner and clean the house and write letters, I did everything I needed to do and there wasn’t anything else I could do, I was looking for a job but you know how that is. Now I’ve got my job and that’s nice but a bad thing is that sometimes when l get off from work I’m so exhausted l can’t think, so l want something to think for me, so I watch a box that tells me how to think. That’s really dangerous. Lately I’ve stopped letting that control me and I’ve only been watching selective television again. I watch Star Trek on Saturdays and I like the show Alien Nation because it deals with racism. When I first moved to Knoxville I didn’t have a TV for the first few months but I still had the eating disorder. I think it’s beyond television. Television influences so many areas of our lives that you can influenced by television without watching it.

from OVO 11 CONTROL (September 1991)

[Postscript March 2011: Melissa is just fine now and has been for a long time.]

Partial script for LOST season 7, episode 1 (“We Have to Go Back.”)

[On-Island - Bamboo grove. JACK SHEPHERD is lying on the ground, VINCENT at his side. BENJAMIN LINUS enters. VINCENT stands when BENJAMIN LINUS appears, then stiffly walks away.]

JACK: Where’s Hurley?
BENJAMIN: Hurley is just where you left him.
JACK: What are you doing here?
BENJAMIN: I’ve come to say congratulations, Jack.
JACK: What for?
BENJAMIN: For putting the round peg in the round hole.
JACK: What happened?
BENJAMIN: What happened was you did as you were told to do.
JACK: That’s it?
BENJAMIN: Well, water filled up a pool and a light came on.
JACK: You set this up.
BENJAMIN: And you just couldn’t wait to do it, could you?
JACK: This was just another test from the Dharma Initiative? My father told me -
BENJAMIN: Your father? Your dead father? And when did your father ever tell you the truth?
JACK: About as often as you have.
BENJAMIN: Oh, don’t play out your daddy issues on me. My god, I got enough of that from John. You remember John, don’t you? You killed him.
JACK: That wasn’t John.
BENJAMIN: Sure it wasn’t.
JACK: What are you doing to us? What does all this mean?
BENJAMIN: I don’t know, Jack. I really don’t. If you want to keep asking just like you always do I’ll make something up and you’ll believe it, just like you always do. Now, what would it mean if I did know. What if I did know what it all meant? That would mean it’s all been decided, and we’re just puppets in some play. Ever felt like a puppet, Jack?
JACK: That’s wrong. You’re wrong.
BENJAMIN: I wish I was, Jack. But it seems to me that everything I’ve ever done in my life, and everything you’ve ever done in your life, was just a spasm from somebody else pulling the strings. Look at all the times you’ve jumped for me, Jack. And I’m just a company man.
JACK: A company man.
BENJAMIN: That’s right, Jack. I work for a company. I get meaningless orders from hidden superiors and I carry them out, and I get paid or I get beat, and the man upstairs certainly doesn’t feel compelled to come down and tell me what it’s all about. Men like you and I aren’t special.
JACK: Special.
BENJAMIN: Special like John was special. Special like Walt. It’s not that some men are more smart, or wealthy, or powerful. Charles Whidmore is all of those things and he’s not special. Hurley… well. The thing is, Jack, unlike you and I some men have free will. They have it and we don’t. They have souls and we don’t. It’s not fair but there it is. That’s the nature of this world. Maybe in some other world all the loose strings tie up nicely in the end, and everybody’s smiling. What a god awful world that must be.
JACK: I’m dying.
BENJAMIN: Maybe, Jack. Unless someone special decides you have more work to do.

[LOST]

From the 1906 book The Outbursts of Everett True by A. D. Condo and J. W. Raper. With thanks to Barnacle Press.

Alayna May Wyland of Clackamas, Oregon. This young girl was burdened with a mass of blood vessels called a hemangioma at birth. Usually a minor surgery corrects this problem. But Alayna has parents that believe an invisible monster in the sky caused her to be born with a hemangioma, and only incantations and spells to the invisible monster would convince Him to make the hemangioma go away. So her parents said magic spells and rubbed magic oil on their little girl rather than take her to a doctor. The small hemangioma grew large, eroded her eye socket and likely damaged her ability to see.  What’s the harm in faith healing?  Ask Alayna when she’s a little older.  Oregon lawmakers are about one hundred dead children too late in passing this law, but better one hundred dead children too late than one hundred and one children too late.

Steve Mayes: Oregon Lawmakers Appear Ready to End Legal Protections for Faith-Healing Parents

Oregon lawmakers will take the first step today [21 February 2011] toward ending legal protections for parents who rely solely on faith to treat their dying children. The bill targets the Followers of Christ, an Oregon City church with a long history of children dying from treatable medical conditions. A previous crackdown restricted but did not eliminate religious immunity from state criminal statutes. Rep. Carolyn Tomei, D-Milwaukie, said deaths of three Followers children in recent years – all without medical intervention – prompted her to introduce the bill. “Such gross and unnecessary neglect cannot be allowed, even if the parents are well-meaning,” Tomei said. The legislation appears primed for approval. It has wide support both political parties, prosecutors, medical providers and child-protection groups, and there is no organized opposition. “I don’t think there’ll be anyone coming to testify against it,” Tomei said. House Bill 2721 would remove spiritual treatment as a defense for all homicide charges. Moreover, if found guilty, parents would be subject to mandatory sentencing under Oregon’s Measure 11.

Previously at OVO:
The True Face of Faith Healing (27 July 2010)
Ore. parents face charges in child’s death (16 June 2009)
Abusing Children in the Name of God (5 January 2008)
Child Sacrifice in Oregon (4 June 2007)

From the 1906 book The Outbursts of Everett True by A. D. Condo and J. W. Raper. With thanks to Barnacle Press.